The Plight of Homesickness

Homesickness has struck.

It started sometime last week. I thought I was just having a bad week, but it was everything. EVERY small thing was making me POed.

It just doesn't make since that almost everyone experiences this same kind of feeling, like clockwork, at three months in the country. I mean are we really all so programmed that our minds and bodies have a shut-off programmed in? I mean how bizarre is that?!

All weekend unless I was alone I was a little tense.

It ceased a little when my brother John visited and we had a really good time. Maybe it is because he is family and although we are rarely together, he is still so familiar.

We got amazing Italian food thanks to our friend Dominique telling us about it. It had the classy black and white theme going on, complete with TCM stars lining the walls. John and I had a long discussion about who one actress was (Grace Kelly) and in retort he pulled up a current picture of her saying,"Clearly that is not the same person." Well John how about this picture?

It was good to get to know John's new girlfriend some too. She is quite excellent at administering medicine to kittens, I can tell you that much.

Yes, John gave me a kitten for my birthday (a little late but that's ok), which is super exciting....however after she peed on two of my comforters that I laid down to sleep on and my sweatshirt the next day, I have to admit, I was not enthused. It also doesn't help that she is in need of medicine twice a day to treat a skin issue. I am kinda questioning whether I am ready for a cat yet.......still she is cute half the time and she has not had incident since that first day. Pretty much we are still getting used to each other.

So yeah, I got very little rest this weekend, somehow we manage to always be packed with weekend activities. I mean I cleaned my place, then went hiking, to coffee, then dinner with the bro, a movie and off to see our favorite Filipino band Fused, and then to church the next morning, out for lunch and to a huge Korean dinner with Stephen's Korean skater friends.

I must admit I was not in the best mood. I was exhausted and not feeling friendly. I kept praying for an attitude change and at the same time lacked energy, enthusiasm or a desire to really do anything.

(Fused the Sweetest Band in Changwon)

So all day Stephen was looking at me with this face of "tell me what's wrong so I can fix it" and kept asking "Are you ok?" Which I always hate because, yes my person is fine, my body is healthy, I have work, a fiance and loving family and friends, so of course I am 'ok'. However there were things bothering me. Minute things like getting on the wrong bus and having to walk 15 minutes home (however you must take notice that I at least knew where I was), or not knowing enough Korean, or certain students being really rude, or the cat peeing on everything and losing part of my gift for my sister's Christmas present, sleeping too late, or buying the wrong ramen and having no energy to be happy with students who hate English, and most aggravating.......hairs changing colors.

There is nothing like a white/black hair in a place it didn't used to be to make a girl upset (thank you Susanna for understanding). There is just something about feeling like you are not able to control anything that is so awful sometimes, particularly involving your body. We work so hard to come to grips with our body, to appreciate our bodies as the creation of God that they are and then he changes things up and asks, "Can you love what I gave you now and be thankful?"

Even worse was Sunday at church one of our members, I think her name is Sun Min, spoke about how she was excited to share at a conference for handicapped people. See she is in a wheel chair and has limited control of her body and still she seeps with the Lord's grace and joy. She talked of her difficulties and struggles and her success in speaking with others. She lives on her own with another handicapped friend and is fighting for more rights in Korea. She is also and accomplished artist and paints some really wonderful paintings of flowers with her mouth. Her style is lively, a little impressionistic and well composited not to mention her color schemes are so happy.

She is so thankful for her life and I am complaining about having to clean up some pee and some hairs changing color?!?! I sicken myself sometimes.

I think of Job and Sun Min and I realize how unthankful I am. I mean I have a boyfriend who brings me whoppers when I'm having bad days and flowers and toys for my new kitten. I am fortunate and loved, by God and by a wonderful man.

Still the Lord understands my frustrations and listens to my pleas for comfort. He cares for me and slowly brings me back from my self centered pity party. This morning was rough with the kitten waking my up at 5:30 and not shutting up, but when the Lord woke me at 8:30......it was a new day.